Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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