He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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