I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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