Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
