their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
