Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
