Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
