You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
