you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
