So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
