...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
