Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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