We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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