I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
