haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
