Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
