so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Randomize
