So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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