I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
