Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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