WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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