I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
