When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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