i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
