I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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