Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She bit a glass in half.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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