i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
