Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
