I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
