I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
How does one acquire holy water?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
