Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
