awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Enjoy the penises
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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