On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
