my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
