You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
