Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
