Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
