I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
