where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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