I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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