I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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