How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
