I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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