My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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