Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
