Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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