I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
