My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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