dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
