my phone needs a breathalizer
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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