Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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