I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I AM VODKA MAN
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
